


Expecting(Hoping)

by DegrassiFanatic



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Apologies, Canon Compliant, Episode: s02e12 You Are Not Your Own, F/M, Forgiveness, Kinda, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-23 01:24:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11392425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DegrassiFanatic/pseuds/DegrassiFanatic
Summary: “What the hell, man! What did I do this time? ”“I’ll tell you what you did, you ruined me. ”“What? ” he spits out with disbelief.How dare he think that he didn’t do just that.--------------------------------------------Where Simon is forgiven but, not really.





	Expecting(Hoping)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I'm back at it again with that angsty shit. I hope your prepared.

Everything is still on rocky ground. Even after the whole _trying to stake Simon and confirming he’s a_ _daylighter_ _._  
  
The clan realizes they need Simon as an ally and not an enemy. So, they don’t consider him a traitor anymore. They call off the death penalty and Simon is welcomed back.  
  
  
Simon doesn’t stay at Hotel DuMort, often. Why would he, he doesn’t need a place to stay, to keep him away from the sun. However, he does come around for the occasional vampire matter and some blood, he keeps his distance from the clan.  
  
He keeps his distance from him.  
  
Raphael shouldn’t be hurt or even care. But, he does because Simon is simply hurting Raphael once more.  
  
He wants to love Simon again. He wants to love Simon and be loved in return. But, Simon doesn’t love him and will only bring heartbreak. Heartbreak that is a reminder that this is an unrequited love.  
  
He needed this, he needs Simon to stay away. It’s good for him, it’s healthy for him. He was once close to Simon but, all that brought was an inevitable betrayal. He was choosing between Clary and Raphael. And, he shouldn’t have expected (hoped for) a different outcome.  
  
After all, expectations (hopes) were meant to be destroyed.  
  
Sometimes he’ll see Simon in the corridors, if this had happened before the betrayal, they would’ve struck up a conversation. But, this is reality and this is the present. The betrayal had occurred and now, Simon and Raphael pass each other like ships in the night.

Magnus sees him sulking about. He tries to help. The vampire appreciates it, truly he does. However, there is nothing Magnus can do that could help him.

* * *

  
  
That’s a lie. Magnus can help him.  
  
He dragged along Raphael to the club and gave the bartender special orders of blood-infused alcohol. He doesn’t get him enough to get piss drunk but, enough to flirt with the girl who was eyeing him.  
  
He finds out she’s a vampire from a neighbouring clan. He finds out she’s heard a lot about his diplomatic ways. She compliments him and says things that Raphael wishes came out of Simon’s mouth. _But, wishing doesn’t get you anywhere._ So, he asks for the girl’s number and gives her his.  
  
An hour before sunrise, he walks with her outside and they share a brief kiss before she runs into the night.  
  
He doesn’t bother with a goodbye to Magnus who will have no doubt questions tonight.

* * *

  
He sees Simon in the corridor again two weeks after the club incident. This time Simon looks like he’s looking for someone. That someone happens to be Raphael.  
  
  
“Oh, Raphael, just the guy I was looking for.” he pauses like expects the other to respond but, doesn’t. “Clary and Isabelle need information on the-”  
  
  
He hates himself for expecting(hoping) for Simon to have a friendly conversation instead of needing another favour.  
  
Raphael can’t keep giving himself to Simon and never getting something in return.  
  
“I have a date, I need to leave. Tell them to get their own information. ”

  
He doesn’t know why he needs to address that he has a date but, the look on Simon’s face when he does, tells him everything.  
  
“Okay. Uh, have fun on your date. ”

* * *

  
He doesn’t. He breaks up with her after talking with Simon. He wants to throw Simon out of the clan, he wants to hurt Simon in the way he always hurts him.  
  
He would never, though.  
  
Raphael knows Simon isn’t right to keep using him, saying these awful things, betraying him. Raphael knows that Simon is hurting him and that he should let go but, he doesn’t because he keeps expecting(hoping) Simon to come around with an apology.

He never does.

* * *

  
He goes out with Magnus again to do the same thing but, this time he doesn’t talk to the girl who’s eyeing him.   
  
  
It’s morning, everyone will be going to sleep but, Simon will be walking out of his room. He’s drunk and knows in his sober head that this is a bad idea but, this needs for this to happen.  
  
When Raphael sees Simon exiting his room, he runs up to him and pushes him in back into the room.

  
  
“What the hell, man! What did I do this time? ”  
  
“I’ll tell you what you did, you ruined me. ”  
  
“What? ” he spits out with disbelief.

 

_How dare he think that he didn’t do just that._

  
Raphael backs Simon into the wall as he continues to speak.  
  
“You ruined me, you keep hurting me over and over. I don’t care if it’s not on purpose anymore but, you keep doing it. With the betrayal, then the time in Jade Wolf and granted I did try to kill you. You use me at your disposal, at your shadowhunter’s disposal. Even after how they treated you. ” He’s got tears staining his face with reddish tint.

 

He knows he should stop but, he doesn’t. He keeps going.

 

  
“You know what happened after you told me to have fun on my date. I broke up with her because I still love you. And, you still don’t love me. All you did was talk and you ruined it. I was so happy with her, ignorant in bliss. Why do you always hurt me? ” his voice practically is silent at the last sentence.

  
  
He leaves the room after that. He retreats to his room and when he wakes up the pillows will be stained red.

* * *

  
Once he has awoken, Raphael seeks shelter on the roof. There’s no chance he’ll meet Simon there nor will the other clan members check the roof.

  
  
It’s around eleven when he hears a rustling noise behind him. He doesn’t bother turning his head because he doesn’t care even if it is a vampire hunter.  
  
He knows it’s not when he hears the disturbance mutter.  
  
“What do you want Simon? ”  
  
“I don’t know. ” he says as he walks over to Raphael, sets himself on the ledge.  
  
“Listen, I’m sorry about last night. I know what I did was completely- ”  
  
“Why are you apologizing? You were right, I’m a dick. I keep hurting you. I keep taking advantage of you and you never asked for anything in return. Except loyalty and I didn’t even give that. ” Simon says, “I mean what I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry. You were right. ”  
  
For once, Raphael lets himself hope openly. He hopes that Simon will hold his hand as a finalization of wanting forgiveness. He does. Simon tentatively reaches his hand out and takes Raphael’s hand. Raphael holds it as a sign of forgiving him  
  
“You were wrong about one thing though. ”  
  
“What? ”  
  
“I do love you. ” he whispers before he kisses him.  
  
He kisses him and for once the tears caused by Simon Lewis, are of happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and leave comments and kudos.  
> 


End file.
